Tuesday, November 8, 2011

"Now I Have to Measure Your Hips...Wherever You Think They Are..."

I had to go to a Health Assessment today at IHC Workmed to see if I qualify for a discount on our insurance premiums because of my good health and habits. My appointment was at 9:00 a.m. I was instructed by the person on the phone to come fasting, even though I am 33 weeks pregnant and that's usually a no-no. I inquired about such, but was told to fast. When I arrived, the person at the desk said, "I hope you didn't fast. You don't have to if you're expecting. [Pause.] You ARE expecting, right?" Um, yeah.

There were hassles with my paperwork and I ended up having to wait a long time to be seen. The forms did ask whether I was pregnant, how far along, pre-pregnancy weight, etc., but the main components of the assessment were blood pressure, blood draw, weight, and body measurements. The young guy who did my assessment said he'd never had to do one on a pregnant person before, and that he thought it was awkward. Really, Jose? Why? Because when you reached around my "waist" with the tape measure it felt like you were giving me an unwanted (by either of us) embrace? Because you were supposed to measure around my belly button so you said, "Is...THAT...your...belly...button?" You seemed confused and frightened by the lump of my popped belly button, so clearly visible through my shirt. Or, best of all, when you said, "Now I have to measure your hips...wherever you think they are?" Haha, who the heck knows the answer to that question? And I love the fact that they're going to be comparing my waist-to-hip ratio (whose measurements were only .5" off from each other) to determine whether or not I am healthy. They also measured my wrist (which remains thin). That ought to throw a wrench in things.

At least I didn't have the boys with me to make the appointment even MORE fun. Tyson had come home from his shift about 40 minutes before I had to leave for the appointment. Since it was bedtime for him he requested that I feed the boys and contain them in their room so he didn't have to actually DO anything. Understandable, yet still kind of funny. I did my best to oblige, but Sawyer, who had stayed up late as usual, wasn't awake yet as the time approached for me to leave. I thought fast and brought a plate of non-messy foods for him and set it near his bed, along with a sippy cup of water. String cheese, a couple wedges of pita bread, grapes, a half a banana. I put Beck in the baby jail and put on a "Blues Clues" video. My plan was that Sawyer would awaken, be enthralled by the video, notice the food and begin eating it, and have no reason to emerge from his room and bother his dad. Of course, I thought I'd be home by ten, if not much sooner, so I thought my plan would work.

I arrived home from the appointment at 10:15, with Tyson calling me as I walked in the front door. When I reached the top of the stairs Sawyer was coming out of my room, where he had been pestering Tyson, and said to me excitedly, "My Sawyers came in the night and left some food for me in my bedroom for me to eat!!! They brought it from the moon!" Oh, those thoughtful Sawyers!

Sawyer followed me downstairs where I broke my fast with a bowl of Cheerios. Yes I put a little sugar on my Cheerios, and yes I had to move aside a package of pita bread to get to the sugar shaker. "Hey!" Sawyer exclaimed. "That's the kind of bread my Sawyers gave me." I said I had bought it at the store, and that they must have gotten some for him out of the cupboard.

"Or they have the same kind on our rocket," he said.

Yeah, or that.


  1. I love to hear these updates. They always make me laugh and at least once I nod along because my kids do the same thing. Love the "Sawyers" from the moon. Jackson has a friend named "Ghoosegoo?" and Ethan's seems to be "Angener" which fits with his stubborn personality... Yeah, pretty silly to measure your waist when you are pregnant, you'd think they'd have a protocol for that. Hope you got some extra points for putting up with all that!

  2. This whole business about the "Sawyers" has got to be marketable. I'm putting it in the sitcom.